I can no longer say never have I ever had thoughts of a boy keep me up at night.

I struggle with closures or rather the lack of it. Uncertainties disturb me at the very core and for the first time ever this is happening to me. Not seeing someone and communicating with that person, not knowing what is on their mind is getting to me. I have started to feel like I have been cast aside and I don’t matter anymore.

I miss him but we are just friends, maybe more. That is what I think, I wonder what is on his mind. He hasn’t bothered to share a thought, not even through a text. I don’t like not knowing how my next move will be perceived, how I will be seen in his eyes and how I will feel about something that I have said or done. Yes, I can’t even see myself in the near future and that depends on my decision tonight, which has been made.

It saddens me that I can no longer say, “never have I ever lost sleep over a guy”.

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4 thoughts on “Never have I ever.

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